Mothers of the Village

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I was recently asked to read and review Mothers of the Village, and I am SO glad I was!  Being an author myself, it may surprise you that I’m not a huge pleasure reader.  Most of what I read is for knowledge. I’m such a busy-body, I rarely sit down and devour a book from cover to cover, but that’s exactly what I did with this book.  I seriously could not stop reading!  From page one I was hooked.  I loved the voice of the book and instantly found myself relating to the author’s personal struggles of early motherhood.  (I also found myself envying her ability to write every sentence perfectly!  I wish I had written so much of this book, lol!)

The message of the this book is so valuable.  Mothers need each other!  We all know this, but our culture makes it very difficult to work together as women used to.  But this book doesn’t just point out the problem.  It gives inspiring stories and examples of how we can be there for each other as a village of women who not only need each other, but look out for each other and find new ways to work together.

And not only do mothers need each other, our children need the love and concern of many adults.  This really jumped out at me as I haven’t considered that aspect of the village as much. (Sure, I knew I needed the help of other mothers, but my kids need their help, too!) This book has inspired me to put forth a greater effort into the lives of the children around me.

This book was the perfect combination of inspiring and intellectual.  The author was very well-researched, and I loved learning about the “tribes” of women from the past and from different parts of the world.  Though small, I thoroughly enjoyed the spiritual analogies the author brought to the book and the belief that drawing closer to God can also draw us closer to each other.  I appreciated her sharing her personal experiences with postpartum depression and ADHD, and how she taught me about being more vulnerable in my own life by being vulnerable in her writing. The author’s personal stories are definitely the highlight of this book, with many that will fill you with joy and heartache all at once.  (Page 160 broke my heart in the most beautiful way.)

The author encourages women to find meaningful ways to engage in society.  Chit chat and social media friendships will only partially fill that need.  As women, we are the builders of the village, and our lives will feel hollow if our work is not meaningful.  She also points out the benefits that all generations can reap if we reach out into our communities more.  It will require stepping out of our comfort zone, but it’s worth it!  This book teaches that society is a whole, so we need to work together to include every piece.

Buy this book for yourself.  Give a copy to your closest girlfriends.  Then give a copy to the new woman in your neighborhood, or the woman in your church congregation who has just given birth. Give her some tulips at the same time, and when she gets to that part of the book her heart will burst.

Five Lies We MUST Stop Telling Birthing Women

  1. You don’t get a gold star if you have a natural birth. True, there are no real gold stars awarded when a woman gives birth (and none for parenting either, unfortunately!), but there are plenty of women who feel empowered and accomplished after achieving a natural birth.  This doesn’t mean they look down on those who choose otherwise, or that their world will fall apart if they don’t have that natural birth.  It means that they have set a goal that is important to them.  A goal that will help them feel strong, capable, and proud of themselves.  I was one of these women.  I wanted to experience birth in its raw, natural form.  I wanted to prove to myself that I was strong.  And I’ve never understood why anyone else is allowed to have an opinion on me feeling that way.  Shouldn’t the world want mothers to feel awesome about themselves?
  2. Risk of stillborn doubles at 41 weeks. In the 1950’s a study concluded that this was true.  In spite of the decades worth of new research and information showing that this is not true, and showing that infant mortality rates are literally at their best, doctors continue to use this study to manipulate women into being induced.  However, what is often not cited is how inductions triple the likelihood of cesarean birth, and how cesareans increase maternal deaths. Other information not being included in this statement is morbidity outcomes.  Obviously not as concerning as mortality, morbidity rates increase for women and for babies when we manipulate labors, giving more flame to the fire of not pushing inductions on women until they have reached their full 42 weeks. I don’t know about you, but I’ll take research done in this century.
  1. All that matters is a healthy mom and a healthy baby. Really?  So things like informed consent, being treated with respect, and only receiving interventions when medically indicated don’t matter?  Try telling that to the woman who took home a healthy baby and an unhealthy case of low self-esteem, postpartum depression, or even worse, PTSD.  This lie is so dangerous.  It tells women that they don’t matter, which takes away their voice and sets the stage for others to manipulate and even abuse them during their births. We need to strive for every woman and child to not only survive childbirth, but to thrive as well.  But to truly thrive, we must include emotional well-being, which requires all those working with birthing women to treat them with the utmost respect and kindness, and realize that health encompasses a lot more than a pulse.

Stop lying to moms!-

 

  1. There’s no such thing as a perfect birth. So false.  I’ve supported over 100 births, and many of them were perfect.  We just need to change our definition of perfect.  It doesn’t always mean a quickly progressing labor with no interventions.  Any birth where the family was treated respectfully, given accurate information, and given appropriate medical care is perfect.  Every labor and every birth will unfold differently, and the perfect scenario for one woman won’t be for another.  But when care providers only offer evidence based care, and women are treated kindly and given a voice during their births, any birth can be perfect, whether it was an all-natural birth in the wilderness, or had every intervention available in a hospital room.  I consider the births of my four children to be perfect.  Each birth was completely natural.  But I also consider my own birth perfect, and I was born via cesarean.  My mom got the care she needed for her situation the same way I did, making each experience perfect.
  2. A VBAC has a lot of risks. Yes, VBACs carry a certain amount of risk.  HOWEVER, a repeat cesarean carries a lot.  So why then do women have to sign a medical consent form to try for a vaginal birth, yet there is NO paperwork to inform them of the many risks of repeat cesarean?!  Why are we only discussing the minimal risks of VBAC and not discussing the multiple risks of cesareans?  Even though ACOG states that most women can have a successful VBAC, and that providers should not be limiting a woman’s opportunity to try for a vaginal birth, thousands of women are denied this opportunity yearly. To read a lot more about this, I recommend this article.  Or you can read Chapter 5 in my book, which is all about cesareans, their risks, and how to lower your likelihood of receiving one.

So there you have it!  Share this article with your pregnant friends, and let me know what you would add to the list!

Culture vs. Doctrine, in Mormonism and Childbirth.

Culture and doctrine… two things that often get intermingled, especially in the LDS religion.  Our doctrine alone makes us peculiar. Add in our obsession with cream of chicken soup recipes, Disney movies, and voting for Republicans, and we can seem downright nutty.  But just because all of us have our kids in piano lessons doesn’t mean that playing the piano is part of our doctrine.  It’s just our culture.  And unlike doctrine, culture is totally optional.

Culture plays an important part in societies all around the globe, and it should.  Culture gives us meaning and a sense of belonging.  Along with our doctrine, culture shapes our day to day lives and adds to our personal identities.  It’s important to us, even though it isn’t essential to our beliefs.  It doesn’t make us better Mormons, but somehow makes us more Mormon-y!

The birthing world has a culture too.  And just like in Mormonism, birthing culture is often confused with birthing doctrine, and many birthing women and childbirth care providers are making cultural decisions instead of decisions that are based in truth.  After 12 years of working as a doula and childbirth educator, it is clear that the majority of the women I spoke with viewed birth culture as birth doctrine.

Our birth culture tells us that women can’t give birth without pain medication, that one-third of them can’t give birth vaginally, and that breastfeeding is rarely successful.  However, science (our birth doctrine) tells us that at least 90% of women can give birth vaginally, and that childbirth creates a physiological response in women to help them cope with the discomforts of giving birth.  Studies actually show that the field of obstetrics is the medical paradigm that is least based in scientific fact, and in fact, runs more on culture and preference than it does on “doctrine”.

Unlike Mormon culture, our birthing culture unfortunately increases risk and poorly affects outcomes.  America’s birth culture has actually increased our morbidity and mortality rates- a fact that almost everyone is unaware of.  To improve birth for American women, we must be willing to revise our culture and return to our doctrine.

To improve birth for American women, we must be willing to revise our culture and return to our doctrine.

We love and live our religion because of the doctrine, not because of the culture.  Others look at our doctrine and wonder how we can be happy with so many restrictions; but we look at our doctrine and see its wisdom, and understand that keeping so many “rules” actually keeps us safe and happy.  The same could be true for birthing doctrine.  Once understood and practiced, birthing doctrine could improve outcomes for women and babies in every state and demographic.

Cultural decisions should be made after thorough study into the doctrine, whether you’re in Sunday school or in the delivery room.  After reading my book, you will understand the scientific doctrine of childbirth, and know which aspects of birth culture you agree with and which aspects you choose to avoid.

Participating in culture is a personal decision that represents choice, not worthiness.  But it’s important for everyone to understand that just like Mormon culture, birthing culture is optional as well.  We are not only allowed to practice our own culture, but capable of choosing the culture that best fits in with our beliefs system.  Beliefs that can only be formed by learning the doctrine.

Educating, not Shaming

Knowledge is power, and I love knowledge.  I also love power, but not in the traditional sense.  I don’t want to have power over other people.  I want to have power over myself, and the power to make the best decisions for myself and my family.  I want to understand my options, and I want to know what the likely consequences are for my choices.  I’ve always been this way.  I’m so afraid of making a wrong choice!  I’ve always been a long-term thinker… considering how every major choice will effect me as time moves forward.  (Except for my daily choice to drink diet coke… But hey, we all have flaws, right?!)

It’s no surprise that my love of knowledge led me to become an educator and author.  What is surprising is the push-back I often get from others in my desire to educate.  For some reason, our culture looks at educating women as shaming them.  As if to say “don’t tell her the truth about that, because when she makes a bad choice she’ll feel bad about herself.  Or she’ll feel like you are judging her.”  And yes, our society LOVES to judge women and their birthing and breastfeeding choices, so I do see where this comes from.  But isn’t it insulting to purposefully with-hold information from someone, assuming they aren’t intelligent enough to take that information and make the choice that is best for them?

Isn't it insulting to purposefully withhold information from someone, assuming they aren't intelligent enough to take that information and make the choice that is best for them-

I think women are more than capable of making the best decision for themselves when they are presented with factual, unbiased information, and this is what I strive to put in my writings.  So when you read my book, you will be getting the most up-to-date, scientific information on childbirth available.  It is honest.  It does point out things I was discouraged from sharing.  Things like the safety of natural childbirth, the benefits of breastfeeding, and what contributes to postpartum depression.  Things that women often feel judged about.  But things that women are grossly under-educated about and poorly supported in.  And I think with the right amount of information and support, and a faith in their maternal instincts, all women can and will make informed choices that are not only safe, but personally satisfying to them, as well.

I think one of the highest compliments you can pay someone is respecting their intelligence and decision-making abilities.  I know that my readers won’t feel shamed by reading my book.  They will feel respected and empowered.  Instead of being judged or being told what to do, they will be learning about all the benefits and risks surrounding childbirth, and then given tools on how to weigh those benefits and risks and make informed choices.  This type of education removes shame and replaces it with empowerment.  This is what families truly deserve.

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Advanced Doula Designation

Several months ago my doula partner, Virginia Bennet, informed me about the Advanced Doula Designation DONA was now offering it’s long-term doulas.  Looking over the requirements I felt like I just might qualify!  The criteria included 1: longevity in the field, 2: additional certification or licensure in a related field, 3: had work published regarding childbirth-breastfeeding, 4: made a major contribution to the promotion and advancement of the doula profession and in the maternal-child field.

It is an honor to be awarded this designation, as DONA has over 6,500 doulas and fewer than 30 of us now carry this credential.  I’d like to point out that this designation was announced in late 2015, so I have never had the goal of attaining it.  The career decisions I have made the past 12 years were made because I care deeply about childbirth, and I have a burning desire to do all I can personally and professionally to improve birth for all women.  Below is a quick recap of my qualifications for this prestigious credential.

Marie Bigelow

1: Longevity in the field: I’ve been a doula for over 12 years and have attended over 100 births.

2:  Certification or licensure in a related field: In 2005 I passed my board certification exam for Music Therapy.  I also specialized in Music Therapy Assisted Childbirth.

3: Publications: My upcoming book actually didn’t count towards this criteria because it isn’t officially published yet.  What earned me this spot was an article I had published several years ago in Doula International Magazine.  It discusses the benefits of lullaby writing.  Read it here.  I’m also a regular contributor to The Mommy Method education blog.

4. Major contribution to doula work: In 2007 I founded Treasure Valley Doulas and directed the group for 7 years.  As a group, we built and maintained relationships with hospitals and care providers, provided community outreach programs, and brought the first DONA approved conference to Boise.

It is a huge honor to be recognized for my work, but recognition is not why I work.  I work to improve birthing outcomes.  I strive to educate my clients in a way that prepares them to make informed and safe decisions during their births.  I provide physical support to them to help them have a more comfortable birth.  I encourage them and support them emotionally because everyone needs someone in their corner when things get tough.  I love being a doula.

 

Doulas Make a Difference

I’ve been a doula for over 12 years, so I know the good and the bad.  There’s plenty of reasons that the average work-span of a doula is about 2 years.  It’s not easy to live your life on call, knowing that at any moment you could called away from your sleep, your children, your errands, your hobbies, your life!  It’s not easy to stay awake for 36 hours, and see your flat-rate fee turn into several dollars an hour.  It’s even harder to figure out last minute childcare options.  It’s not easy to return home to children who want your attention, a house that needs to be cleaned, and shower that you desperately need to take, but all you want to do is sleep.  I’ve missed my husband’s birthday party, our anniversary, my children’s sporting events and school performances, weddings and funerals.  I’ve even gotten burnt out and taken time off.  But I always return.

To me, being a doula is so much more than a way to bring in money, or a fascination with birth.  I’m a doula because I think doula work makes a difference.  When my paycheck is small and my sleep is nonexistent, I still know that what I’m doing has value.  I’m a doula because once I was that mom walking the halls all night long, trying to get my labor to progress, and my doula was willing to put my needs ahead of her own.  A selfless act that has impacted my life forever.  I want to give that experience of being supported to all of my clients, and I want all women to have access to doula care.

It has never made sense to me that insurance companies don’t pay for doula services, as research clearly shows that doulas make births safer, shorter, and less expensive.  ACOG even supports the use of doulas, stating that they are one of the best ways to avoid a cesarean.  Many families simply cannot afford the extra expense of a doula, and even more families don’t know what doulas are or how they can improve births.  Insurance reimbursement could change all of that.  Reimbursement would make doula fees more affordable, giving thousands of women access to doula care. These women would then have safer births, leading to better physical and emotional outcomes for moms and babies, and lower medical bills.  The monetary savings alone is a huge win for families and for insurance companies.  (The only side losing money in this exchange would be hospitals, who have successfully exploited birth for decades, and made millions off of it.  So I’m pretty ok with this “loss”.)

The infographic below is from Childbirth Connection, and it does an amazing job of showing the benefits of doula care, and the monetary savings doula care could provide.  You can read the full report here.  It shows how in just one year, over $2 BILLION dollars could be saved by implementing doula care into insurance benefits.  Research on doulas is overwhelmingly positive, and it would be nothing but corrupt to continue allowing the cesarean rate in the US to remain at 33%  when we can easily lower that rate by paying for doulas.  This report shows that insurance providers pay over $9,600 in additional costs for a cesarean, when a doula typically costs less than $1,000.  The math is easy, so the choice should be, as well.

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THIS is why I doula.  Because women deserve this type of support during their births.  Support that lowers intervention rates and increases positive birthing experiences.  Support that keeps birth affordable, so women don’t have to choose between what they need and what they can afford.

 

16% off in 2016!

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Happy New Year!  I’m ready to take down my Christmas decor and focus on the beautiful, new year that lies ahead.  I love a fresh start, and I love a good deal.  That’s why I’m offering 16% off my doula deposit to clients who book me by Sunday night at midnight.  That’s a savings of $32, taking the deposit from $200 to $168.  Read more about my doula services here.

I’m also offering a $16 discount on my March 1st Music Birth Class.  Taking tuition down from $50 to $34.  This is a great class that not only gives you music, but many other comfort measures to combine with relaxing/pain fighting playlists to help your labor progress smoothly and comfortably.  Contact me to register.

Move quickly, both these deals expire at midnight on Sunday!

Marie 🙂

What It Took To Write This Book…

I’ve had so many people ask me what it was like to write my book and how long it took that I decided to write up a post about it! I’ve tried to be as concise as possible, but a goal eight years in the making isn’t short!

Getting Started

We spend the first weekend of October in McCall, ID every year. In 2007 I was driving up with my husband, my mom, and our two little girls, ages 1 and 2 at the time. To pass the time we were trying to think up business ideas that would make us MILLION$, lol! As my mind got going, I began to think of writing a childbirth book that was based in science, but also shared my religious beliefs. Having never thought of writing a book before, I initially laughed off the idea. Then my husband chimed in saying that I could for sure write a book about this topic because I was so passionate about it.
My mind quickly left the conversation as ideas started POURING into it. I had nothing to write them down on. I began to feel so antsy, worried that the ideas would leave before I had a chance to record them. Before even checking into our hotel we stopped at a grocery store so I could buy paper and a pen. I stayed up almost that entire night writing down every idea in my head. My mom teased me the next morning, saying she could hear me writing and turning pages furiously all through-out the night!

Staying motivated

I wish I could say that that night of inspiration was all it took, but that first night was barely the tip of the iceburg with this project. After compiling my initial ideas, I would go months, possibly years without really working on the book. It was always on my mind though. Over the years I wrote down experiences and conversations that I either wanted to include in the book, or that helped me stay motivated to write the book. Todd even bought me a little hand recorder so I could roll over in bed and record my middle of the night inspirations without having to really get up! And once I really got writing, he even bought me a laptop so I could write wherever I was.

The years went on and I gave birth to two more children. This kept me from writing, but also kept me thinking about the importance of the book. I continued working as a doula and childbirth educator, and routinely saw how little our society understands birth. My heart was saddened to see how many women feared birth, how little they valued the experience, and how they didn’t understand the many choices offered to them during childbirth. As a whole, our society had become completely ok with handing our births over to the medical world without any thought of what price we would pay for that decision.

Birth seemed to be viewed as a dated practice, destined to fail. When in reality, birth is a timeless experience created to succeed.

I had to share my message.

The Final Push

The only way to make a positive change in the birthing world is to educate, and that is the number one goal of my book. During the pregnancy of my 4th child (2012) the desire to finish my book became very strong. I started researching more than ever. I also started taking my years of free writes and tried to put them into some sort of organized fashion. I really learned the hard way that you should come up with a book outline BEFORE you start writing your book. Yikes! Once things were semi-organized, I reached out to Laura Brotherson (successful LDS writer) to ask her for advice. She was very encouraging (just what I needed before I took the big jump of committing to really trying to publish!) and advised me to hire some editors to get the message ready.

I knew that I needed help. I knew who I needed to ask. And I didn’t want to ask her!

One of my closest friends, Lesli, studied writing at BYU. I knew she could help me make sense of my madness, but I feared she would hate what I had to say! I was extremely nervous asking someone outside of the birth world for help. I remember shaking and sweating bullets as I sat on her couch and asked if she would read my book and give me her feedback.

The initial feedback was so exciting! She helped me piece things together and finally get some order to my message. I started writing and researching 3 to 6 hours a day. This continued for about 8 months. The work was intense but exciting. I knew I was really moving forward in my goal, and I felt so motivated all the time! I was completely consumed with this project. I took some time off from doula work and hardly did anything outside of the bare minimum when it came to household work. Thankfully my husband thought it was cute to find me in my pajamas at 6 pm when he returned from work, and he never complained about the lack of cooking during this time period!

This was also a great time for new research. ACOG (The American Congress of Obstetrics and Gynecology) came out with some great studies that really strengthened my areas of focus in my writing. The timing couldn’t have been better, and it really made me feel like the timing was perfect for my book!

All my thoughts revolved around my book, as did most of my conversations. In fear that my book would fail, I hardly told anyone other than family and extremely close friends about my project. I barely socialized, and when I did I totally dominated all conversations! If I couldn’t be writing, then I at least could be talking about writing! I still don’t know how my friends tolerated me! But the hours of talking and brainstorming were a huge part of my final success. Looking back I can now see how self-engrossed I was and how supportive and patient my friends and family were. Hopefully I can return the awesomeness to them someday!

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January 2014

After I felt I had used and abused Lesli and her free support enough, I went ahead and hired two more editors to help me get my book ready to submit to LDS publishers. The editing and revision process was nothing less than horrible. Hearing detailed descriptions of what they didn’t like about my writing was the biggest hit my ego could take. I would spend the first day or two after receiving feedback yelling to my husband why my editors were wrong and how frustrating it was! Then, after getting all my venting out, I would humble myself, sit down, and start making the needed revisions.

After several months of this I realized that I didn’t have to get angry every time they told me to take something out or change it. I just needed to find the right way to write it. I had to have faith in myself that I knew the science, the stats, and the need more than my editors did. So if I felt I needed to say something, then I should write it. If they didn’t like it, then I should write it better.

It is easy to focus on how difficult the revision process was. It made me cry. It made me furious. It made me feel like a failure. But it also made me write better than I had ever written before. My mind was on fire. It held so much information that I could retrieve at any moment I wanted. It was amazing! Depending on my mood, my editors felt like my best friend or my biggest enemy! But either way, it was their expertise and advice (along with my incredible work ethic, of course..) that made my book publishable.

May 2014

I had a goal of submitting my book before the kids were out of school for summer. The final weeks were intense as I sent my book out to all my trusted supporters, asking for final advice and support. Two days before school got out I submitted my book to Deseret Book, Greg Kofford, and Cedar Fort.
I was hoping that being done with the writing that I would feel less stressed, but I experienced the exact opposite. My nerves could hardly handle waiting to hear back from publishers, and I felt anxious all. The. Time. Every time the phone rang or I checked my email my heart would flutter. It was like my body knew there was a big, fat “NO!” on it’s way.

August 2014

About 8 weeks after submitting I received my first rejection from Deseret Book. It came in an email. The editor was very complimentary but stated my book wouldn’t appeal to a large enough audience for them to want to publish it. They encouraged me to break it up into smaller articles and publish them through LDS Living Magazine. I had no desire to break up my book, so the offer wasn’t even tempting. It felt good to know that they appreciated my work, and I put my trust into believing that my writing would someday be a real book. A one stop source that gives women all the information they need.

However, a no is a no and no’s hurt. I cried a bit, but tried to stay positive. Less than 48 hours later I received my 2nd “no” from Greg Kofford. They were very complimentary as well, but stated the book just “wasn’t for them”. Well, two rejections in two days was just about all my little ego could handle, and I pretty much cried in bed that entire night while Todd helplessly held me.

Pretty much all of my editors told me the probability of publishing was very low. They thought my book was too one-sided and that it didn’t have a large enough market. But deep inside, I believed that someone would read my book and see the enormous value it offered to LDS mothers. Understanding and celebrating natural childbirth is not something that is part of our culture, but I knew that my book could help change that!

January 2015

Life went on, as it always does, and I waited ever so impatiently to hear back from Cedar Fort. I received an email from them in January stating that they really liked the book, and would be interested in publishing it if I was willing to make some revisions and resubmit.

Getting a “maybe” is definitely better than getting a “no”, but it was still extremely stressful. It felt like my final shot! Wanting to get it perfect, I hired an editor who used to work for Cedar Fort to help me figure it all out. By now, the book was in pretty good shape, so her revisions were less “here’s why your book sucks” and a lot more of “here’s what your book is missing”.

I gave myself 4 months to finish up final revisions, but found that I just couldn’t stop until it was done, and had it ready to resubmit about 7 weeks later. The editor at Cedar Fort appeared pleased to receive it and said she’d have a final answer for me in a month or two. Cue extreme anxiety.

June 2015

After waiting for a little over 3 months to hear back from Cedar Fort, I was absolutely convinced that they were not going to accept my book. I sat my husband down and told him to prepare for me to fall into a depression. And no lie, the next morning, I received my publishing contract from Cedar Fort!
Todd rushed home from work to give me a congratulatory hug as the news set in that I finally had a book deal! Here I am holding my contract!~
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With a book deal came quick deadlines. New website, professional headshots, author bios, you name it! Here I am looking way more beautiful than normal, in my book headshot.

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So What Now?

Currently we are working on a new website and book cover. And when I say “we” I really mean Cedar Fort because they are in charge of my book now! It is a weird feeling, but sometimes a nice feeling too. I am able to give insights and ideas, but final say is never mine anymore. I gave ideas for the book title, but ultimately it was decided upon by the editor. Same with the book cover.
I am still waiting for final revisions (UG!) from my editor, and then I will finally be DONE! (Hopefully I have enough inner strength to live through one more round of revisions!) The book will be released in May to coincide with Mother’s Day sales, and I will be traveling a lot next summer to promote the book. (But that’s a whole other blog post!)

Will I Ever Write Another Book?

I have no idea. I have a couple other ideas, but I am not nearly as qualified to write about them! For now, I’m a little burnt out. I have been giving 150% for years, and I need to just enjoy reaching this goal before starting another one! I want to live in the moment and not always be worried about finding the time to work on writing, or stressing about forgetting what I have thought of before I have time to write it down.

I also will be spending a great deal of time in 2016 promoting my book. There will be book signings and speaking engagements, and who knows what else. I want to enjoy this experience, and not feel burdened with other deadlines.

And there you have it!